regardless, seeing him made me feel strong and better off. it makes everything i whine about with bills, debt, living back with my parents, back in an area i hate, it makes all those little things worth it. im at peace with my decision and with what happened.
the only thing i feel at times is anger. i get angry because i wasted an entire year. i get angry because i had to start things over, and had i not left i wouldnt be going back through this initial process. i get angry because i defended him and abtually believed he was a good person. i get angry because i blamed myself for so long. i get angry because the new people i hang around think i have the perfect life, and i get frustrated and sometimes want to scream 'ive been to hell and back shut up about me being the stereotypical pretty-face-cheerleader.' i get angry because i dont think he will ever understand what he did and that it was wrong, and i know he will never truly be sorry.
i pray he finds himself and comes to God for forgivness. i pray that God can heal his twisted mind and forgive him, because im not a good enough person to forgive him yet. i pray for the strength and peace to one day forgive him, but until then, God is the only one with enough grace and enough love in His heart to accept a person like that.
ew, i remember locking myself and my puppy in the bathroom, but he broke the door and removed all of the doorknobs. my puppy would bow her head and crawl to me when we argued. :( she even tried to lick a cut i had from him... my baby girl... her & i are safe now.. and were doing alright.
You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
But you won't find this.
