i got out

i didnt plan it, i wish i could have because my life is still a wreck from it.

we met for lunch because he was going to fix my car, as we drove to take me back to work we started arguing.. i told him i was done, i had it. he told me i would never leave, he said ' you need me, youre nothing without me.. what are you going to do? go run back to mommy & daddy??'

it all happened so fast. he blew my phone up, i had my boss take me back to my apartment, we grabbed as much as possible and met up with my one friend down there. her and i hid out at her house while my dad drove down with the truck & trailer to get me and my things. we called her friend who was a police officer to just let him know what was going on in case things got out of hand.

he was begging me to come by. when he finally realized i was really leaving his excuse was he wanted closure, he wanted to spend time with me before my dad got here.

i didnt go, i feared for my life. and i knew if i saw him, he would convince me to not leave. he would say and do anything and everything, he would think of every option or possibility to fix things. he was talking crazy, offering to pay more to do more, to drive more, to do all the things i had been telling him to do.

it was too late, he should have realized it before, how could he have not known?? idiot. i told him and told him.. all he ever said was that i was unhappy and miserable and that made him miserable.. why would he want to be good to an unhappy person? HELLO?!? he was the reason i was unhappy.. he would constantly tell me..

"if you would just smile more.. things would be better.."

how can i smile when i sacrificed everything i had ever known or had for someone who could look himself in the mirror every day knowing he isn't afraid to toss his girlfriend around.

wasted.